Programmed to self destruct
It is funny that we are naturally opposed to believe in something that will save us. We are so clouded by shame and fear that we inherit a belief that we can only rely on ourselves. Which is rather strange considering we obviously know we are broken, yet somehow we continue to trust that we have the ability to fix ourselves. I guess then it makes sense to rationalize or downplay our brokenness. We then rationalize our world around us and recreate our entire reality. We take everything we know and fit it inside our own little box. We will stretch and pull and squish and smash until everything fits. Of course then nothing is real anymore. We have no idea what real even is. We know that if anyone tells us different we get angry, we don’t like our box disturbed. In fact we don’t like anything that threatens to rock the boat at all. What we rely on most of all are that things will continue as they always have.
We like to go along our lives finding our hope within a general progression of things. We believe everything evolves slowly. That life is like the seasons balanced and harmonized. Death gives birth to life and over time it grows and develops. That perhaps over time we could even progress into something else. We could do more good than bad and evolve up the ladder. We start to rationalize all of those things to fit into the box as well. Good things become disproportionate to the bad ones. The bad things are downplayed and become not so bad, or not bad at all. We like to say it is all part of life, we were born this way. It is not my fault, it is just nature. Pretty soon it is a truly neutral zone. A non threatening environment just circling and cycling through time.
See the funny thing is, the box never answers any of our real questions. It is just grasping onto thin air. We still know inside that there are no answers for the inevitability that things have to change at some point. We know we will one day die. We know we are floating in darkness, and we don’t know how we got there. And sometimes, if we get the nerve up, we peek outside the box and the bleakness of space around us swallows us. It is then that we unwittingly let the questions creep in. It is then, that we are faced with, “what is the point? Why I am here? What is the point of anything?” It is at this point we either shove it back out into space, and try our best to pretend it was never there, meanwhile maybe trying a little harder to climb the ladder, just in case. We know though, the darkness and brokenness chases us up every rung. Or we give into the nothingness, embrace it and turn to poetry, music, drugs, alcohol, anything that helps us escape the pain of knowing, escape the vast nothingness. The loneliness.
It is here that we are our own curse. Deep down we know there is no hope, that our reality has left us nothing to rely on but ourselves and we know we are broken, we have been trying to hide since the beginning. Yet we are so afraid of being exposed we condemn ourselves. And deep down we know we are doing it. Just like we know that when we do things like lie or steal we eventually will get caught, we make ourselves believe it is possible not to. Yet we go, like sheep to the slaughter.
If we could only stop and let go of that fear. That shame that makes us hide. That makes us deny our Creator and blend all life into a continuous cycle. Stop meshing everything together into our box and step outside. Step out and see that there is light. There is purpose and design. We are here for a reason and everything around us has a purpose as well. We were created in God’s image because he loves us and he values life and creation, and there is a purpose for history! Our desire to be like Him and be in total control of ourselves broke the entire universe. So now that everything is broken, there is absolutely nothing we can find to fix it, not within ourselves and not anywhere within the entire universe. It holds no truth and no answers for us. It is only vast darkness. God knows that we cannot fix ourselves, we have no answers. But God does care for us and He knew that He was the only thing that was outside the universe that could fix it. So at a great price He gave a piece of Himself to bring us back to Him. He became the path away from darkness. We can walk in His light, use His strength, and freely accept His gift. And we will live.
The Rabbit Hole 